Monday, October 3, 2011
Haha I'm so random. I just had the sudden thought to write on my blog. I don't think anyone is looking at my blog already since it has been inactive for so long. Just had alot of things bottled up in me and I guess I needed to talk to someone.

But you know there's no one you can really trust. Those trusted ones are people whom you don't want to disturb and so you end up talking to no one and keeping everything to yourself. Sometimes talking to yourself.

I feel really stupid sometimes. It's like you know this person ain't gonna take your words seriously. But you see him sad and you thought, why not just give it a try. You tried talking to the person but he just don't take you seriously at all.

This doesn't happens once or twice but many times. I don't know how long will it take for me to learn that I should just be ignorant and don't care about others. It actually do hurts when people don't take you seriously when you are serious.

Your treat someone like a gold but yet they treat you like trash. That is just so despicable. you just feel like killing them but then again you can't. Then everything happens all over again.



Another thing is you realize how people can get attention when they are sad, but when you are down no one ever cares. Probably they think I'm strong or whatever but hey, it doesn't hurts to at least ask, are you okay?

Trust me I'm super jealous of some people. How they can get attention with just that little effort and yet you can get nothing using gazillion of effort. Sometimes I just wished that someone can just suddenly ask me "are you alright". Damn that feeling sucks seriously.



Another thing is how lucky some people are. Again I get jealous. I don't understand why they can't see how lucky they are. It's like they've got everything. Money, girls and family. But they just don't see the luck they had.

They take what they have for granted. Spending so much money on the wants. Changing girls like changing clothes. Not repaying back what the parent have given. Yet they can still be so lucky.

People like me save as much as I can so I can at least lessen the load on my parents. Feelings for the girl staying and not swaying at all. Try to repay my parent when the chance comes. All these with pure hard cold effort.

Just how much life can be that bad.



I guess I'll just talk about 1 last thing.

I seriously miss that girl alot. I don't know how long it has been since I last saw her. I had so many plans to meet her but I just can't carry them out. I'm just that plain useless. I keep thinking about the 2 stupid moves I made back them.

Why did I even let that chance slip. Why am I so stupid. Why did I not pursue what I wanted. But then again I thought about another thing. Religion and stuffs. How can we click. Do I really know her? Do she even have feelings for me?

Then it moves to another thought. With my intelligence, I will be just a black dot on a piece of paper. How insignificant I am?? And it moves on and on and on to so many questions. God dammit. why do I always keep thinking..

It's so frustrating sometimes. I just wish life was much more simple.



Okay the last thought, the really last one.

I don't like my attitude at all. I get complacent too easily. Probably because of primary and secondary school. I don't know. But I just wish the motivation I wanted is just on my hand man.

Since primary and secondary I had never studied for my exam and I get to move on to the next level and I guess mostly is thanks to luck. Now I'm in poly and that thought of not studying and able to pass still stays within me.

I thought to myself that I definitely need setbacks to smack me awake. Truly I failed one of my module during 2nd sem of 1st year. I really got pissed and scored and A for the so called mid exam.

Because of that fucking A I got complacent again. i thought, already get A so end exam aim pass can already. OMG!! I can go crazy I tell you. Why the hell would I think that? My GPA is now 2.14 and it sucks balls.

I wanted to aim for above 3 but I can't get it until my complacent attitude is being kicked away. I feel so helpless man. This coming sem, I really hope I'll study hard. I really can't stand such GPA. It's damn demoralizing man.

Sigh, life is seriously tough. I don't even know how I can maintain that happy look wherever I go. Probably when I breakdown, it's gonna be crazy...Just hope that'll never happens man.

Oh well, I'll stop here. don't know when I'll post again. Probably when I'm gonna vent again haha.

3:22 AM
kiss the rain

posted by SpiritKiller @ 3:22 AM 

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